i feel so lame sometimes.... i started this blog hoping that once in a while i can update with some good, fun, dating etc and maybe someone out there would be able to relate to the process of dating as a single mom.  well, here i am, hardly dating and still totally single living with my parents.  so instead this blog can relate to those who are living at home and NOT dating.  but i'm really trying to figure it all out.  now i'm going to school and paying my student loans and day care plus phone, a little rent (very little) and credit card (very little on this too).  but the process of being able to move out on my own is pretty much not happening.  i have stopped making plans or goals which is frustrating for me, but i really am trying not to get too bent out of shape about it because i really don't see anything i can do about it.  maybe that's being pessimistic, but i feel like its being real.

my mind has been wandering a lot lately and i think it's because i've talked to people a little bit about my not-love-life and so when i lay down at night i have thought like "might as well cut my heart out cause i'm not going to need it anymore, well leave just enough for my son and i'll be good, at least that way i won't have any voids to fill" i mean, come on.  really?  those are the things i think about!  so i guess it may be said that i'm going through a little bit of depression?  i get so mad at myself because i don't even have it bad!  but i still sit in my self-pity and i was hoping i was getting past that.  so i'm just frustrated at myself.  i'm extra emotional and being awfully "female." GET A GRIP!

in the words of Adele:
i'm tired of trying,
your teasing ain't enough,
fed up of biding your time,
when i don't get nothing back

(it just seemed appropriate...)