"ugh" pretty much sums up how i've been feeling lately.  i'm a little bored.  i'm a little frustrated.  i'm a little annoyed.  i'm a little tired.  i'm a little stressed.  i'm never as happy as i want to be.  i wish that some things didn't matter so much.

i always say that i shouldn't complain because my life is extremely better than a lot of people's, so why is it so hard for me to find the happiness that they do?  i guess i need a serious attitude adjustment.  it's not like i'm sad all the time or don't know how to have fun and express my happiness, because i do.  but it just seems like the smiley, happy-go-lucky person that i used to be doesn't seem to exist very often.  there is so much in my life to be grateful for.

i've been doing the single mom thing for a little over 3 years now.  i've thought for a while that maybe this is how it's supposed to be.  but i know it's not.  i don't want to be alone forever.  but does god have that plan for me?  what is going to happen?! how long do i have to wait? or is it seriously ever going to happen that i won't be a single mom?  i want more kids, i want to share my life with someone special.  but where the heck is he?  i feel like the life i'm living right now is a settle for what i really want, but i don't know how to get there and i know i can't do it alone.

i know these are ridiculous questions, and i'm just rambling.  there is no way to tell what is really going to happen. i really do have it good.  i really don't want to complain, but i guess i already have....