wow, i have issues! i just had a good night with some friends and a bbq. there is this one friend in particular that i have that i actually dated quite a few years ago - out of high school. we spent the night chatting with friends, then caught the end of empire records and goonies at another friends house, just to hang out and spend some time with them. my son was with us for the bbq, but stayed with grandma and grandpa while we watched some movies. afterwards we sat and had quite a long conversation. we have given the thought of trying things again, but sometimes it is so hard to move forward in these types of relationships. and for me, lets just say that i'm a mess. i broke down with him but i feel like it was a good couple of hours that we spent together. nothing really got said and if something happens between us, we're not going to force it and it will happen for a reason. but i was brought to attention that when - or if (cause that's how i truly feel, if) - i get married, that i'll have to cooperate with my husband, cause i'll want him to be a dad for my son also, on all the decisions regarding the child. i'm so used to doing everything myself that the issues go even deeper than i thought. he said, if i was married to you then i would have an opinion in all of these things like even his hair-cuts. for some reason that just got to me. i've been able to raise him how i want to with no one else's opinions mattering so much. yeah, i take in a lot of advice especially from family, but i ultimately have had the final say. i have a lot further to go than i thought.... will i ever be ready?